Ouch

I know you'll read this, you comment sometimes. But I can't just keep this inside. Why is it a lot of the things you say come across as a personal stab to the heart? I don't want to not like you. I hate not liking people. It's not me, who I was made to be, and I just simply can't stand it. It seems like you use little comments to just shoot me. I don't even know if you mean to do it or not. However the number of them is increasing so I can't help but think you mean it sometimes. You tell me not to feel dumb and then you make a comment. You seem to know everything and tell me when I'm wrong every chance you get. Yet sometimes you make an innocent funny comment. I don't understand. It's like you hate me and then you don't. Your attitude is such that you need NOBODY. Because I DO care about you that hurts. It hurts because it's driving me away. Away to the point where I try not to care. If your back hurts I don't want to hurt for you. When you mention something in your blog that is sad and means a lot to you I don't want to care. Basically no matter what happens to you I want to be neautral and not give a flying flip. But I can't! Even if I never dated you I'd still care about you! You get online so I ask you about your post. You won't tell me anything...that's fine...your choice...than you add in a comical way that kevin hates my dad. I'm sorry but that was probably the worst thing you could have ever told me and the worst timing in the world. I don't get upset and visually show it. I don't get upset and let people see it. But when it comes to my family I'm ready to go! Sure I'm all upset over this...he'll get over it tomorrow...BUT THIS IS HOW IT FEELS RIGHT THE **** NOW!

Everybody reading this....this is why I'm shy....why the heck should I come to XA, open up to get stepped all over...feel like I'm being used and just get hurt? Same applies to classes, parties, get-to-gethers anything social. Personally speaking...it's when I open up I get shot. I don't know if anybody will ever realize how much they mean to me. It's very hard for me to express that for obvious reasons. If I know you I care about you deeply whether you hate my guts or you're my best friend, I've known you for 2 seconds or I've known you all my life. All I ask is that you please try not to hurt me....

Peace